Wedding etiquette for the digital age

Tips for handling smartphones, social media on your wedding day

There is a lot of pressure to make your wedding day a perfect day.

Etiquette questions used to focus on things like what to wear, what's an appropriate gift, and should children be included in the celebration? No one wants to make a social faux pas, but modern technology is creating a host of new questions for the happy couple and their guests.

Questions about digital etiquette can raise some strong feelings.

"You shouldn't be on your phone if you're there for a wedding, or any kind of public event cause it's just rude," said Colin Giles, of Ferndale.

However, many people are jumping onboard the social media sharing bandwagon.

"There's flowers, everyone has their makeup done, everything looks absolutely beautiful. I think weddings were just meant to be Instagrammed," said Sophie Pyle, founder of the Tweet of the Bride.

When cellphones were just phones it was easy to ask people to put them away. Now, smartphones take photos and those photos can be sent to the world in just a few keystrokes. So, couples may have to think about setting a "social media policy" before the guests arrive.

Setting a social media policy

While it may seem over the top to set a social media policy for your wedding, it's probably better to communicate your wishes before someone does something that disappoints you.

"I think that couples, a lot of times are opting for people leaving their phones like a phone free wedding or technology free wedding," said Jerry Yarmak, of Walled Lake.

Etiquette expert Pamela Eyring said it's totally acceptable for any couple to put limits on technology, including taking photos and when those photos can be posted.

"They're your friends and/or family. So, just tell them and say I really want to keep this close hold for awhile and I'll let you know. And, they should observe your rules," said Eyring.

Pyle said there is a difference between "no phones" and "no social media."

"I think it's a losing battle for brides to say absolutely no cellphones. I think if you say absolutely no social media, that's a little easier to enforce. And, it is your day you can do whatever you want," said Pyle.

Pyle makes a living helping couples control how their wedding photos are shown to the world. If you decide to post photos, she suggests you establish one hashtag where you'll be able to see all the photos.

"You can put it on the invitation. You can post in on little note cards on the tables, you can advertise it at the bar. I mean there are so many ways to let them know about the wedding hashtag," Pyle said.

Wedding guest rules

If you're a guest taking and posting photos you should always be aware of two iron-clad rules. First, don't post any photos of the bride in her dress before the ceremony, and stay out of the way if a professional photographer is recording precious memories.

"The photographer is being paid to be the photographer. So let them be the photographer. Don't be the paparazzi getting in front of the camera, the videographer. They're paying a lot of money for those people to provide for them in that support and you're not it," Eyring explained.

Other things to consider:

1) Do not post any negative comments about the wedding on social media, especially if you're still at the reception.

2) If you take photos during the ceremony, be careful with your flash so you don't cause any distractions.

3) Don't change your relationship status on Facebook at the altar. Your wedding memories should last a lifetime, Internet fads usually don't. That moment may not be so amusing in 50 years.

4) In a recent survey, a majority of people say it's better to ask the bride and groom's permission before posting photos on social media.

5) Also, remember to think about people who weren't invited to the wedding before you post. If that person is in your network, it could be rubbing salt in the wound of they're disappointed they weren't invited.

6) Brides and Grooms-- remember hand-written "thank you" cards are really the way to go to properly thank your guests.

7) It is a good idea to live stream the ceremony for friends or family who cannot attend.

8) Do mark the locations of the ceremony and the reception on Google maps for easy sharing.

9) Don't post a daily countdown to your wedding. The 24-hour updates could start to annoy even the most supportive friends.

10) Guests: if you post photos of the bride and groom, make sure it's a good photo. If the photo isn't 100 percent perfect, there's no reason to share the photo with the world and make someone feel bad.

As a guest, no matter what you do, be conscious of what the couple might prefer and err on the side of honoring their wishes.

"Maybe they're not interested in having the very most important part of their life posted all over social media," said Bryant Watkins, of Royal Oak.


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