No. 2: Cell phone anomalies

If the vet has called your spouse's cell phone 16 times in the last four days and you don't own a pet, there's reason to suspect an affair is in the works.

If the number of text messages increase by 832 percent then there's probably some secret rendezvous being planned.

Thinking about having an affair causes guilt. Guilt often manifests itself in carelessness. It's a subconscious cry for help, a cry to save the cheater from himself or herself.

So you can answer that cry now by confiscating the cell phone, going through messages, and searching for naked photos of would-be adulterers, or you can be the one crying when you catch your sweetie manifesting guilt with a naked harlot or gigolo in your bed.

What should you do if you suspect cell phone deceit? You make the call.

angry wife married couple arguing

No. 1: Trust your suspicions

Cuckolds and the cheated-on throughout the world see things much more clearly after discovering their louse of a spouse has cheated on them.

They chide themselves for not seeing the obvious signs leading up to the traitorous act. There's a reason for this -- they were in denial.

Unless you're some whack-job nag who attempts to control her husband's every move and suspects an affair over a half-chewed piece of lettuce in the garbage can, or you're some insecure freak of a man who suspects the butcher of wanting to get with your wife for removing the excess fat from the side of bacon you sent her to get, then your intuitions are often accurate.

If you think confronting your spouse (diplomatically at first) with your suspicions is uncomfortable, try watching the hidden camera video of your naked spouse with a stranger (or the baby sitter).

Now that's uncomfortable.

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