To top it off, before heading to jail in 2004, Stewart actually had the nerve to compare herself to Nelson Mandela. That's right, Martha, your five-month sentence at the "Yale" of women's prisons was exactly like the 27 years Mandela spent doing hard labor as a political prisoner.

That was not such a "good thing" to say. Hey, but least she didn't harm another living creature, like our next celebrity ...

Michael Vick

No. 2: Michael Vick

Say what you will about the 21 months Michael Vick served in prison following the guilty plea in his dogfighting case. He was adequately punished and served his time, or he deserved more. Either way, we still didn't buy his apology.

Vick didn't just sit in on one or two dogfights; he was highly involved in a major operation that treated hundreds of dogs barbarically and executed dogs that didn't perform well.

In 2007, shortly after pleading guilty to felony dogfighting charges, the NFL player issued an apology that, like Chris Brown's barnstormer, sounded convincing only to PR hacks.

The video of Vick's apology is actually laughable. Watch as he hangs his head with all the conviction of an 8-year-old pretending to be sorry for stealing cookies. Listen as Vick says "sorry" to his coach, the NFL commissioner and his team for letting them down (oh, and dogfighting is bad, mmmkay?)

Our last celebrity's misstep was much less serious, but so was his "apology" ...

Michael Phelps, 200m freestyle

No. 1: Michael Phelps

One day, Michael Phelps was among the greatest athletes in the world. The next, he was among the greatest athletes in the world caught smoking pot.

After a British tabloid published photos of Phelps taking a hit from a marijuana pipe, the Olympian said his behavior was "regrettable." OK, Mike. Got it. Move along, now.

But there was more. Phelps snuck in a zinger: "I'm 23 years old, and despite the successes I've had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me."

Phelps had to remind us he was young, just in case we forgot. Then he casually emphasized his successes, lest we forget his golden-boy status. He topped it off by reminding us we simply expected too much from him.

The worst was Phelps' promise to fans that "it will not happen again." Surely many of those fans remembered Phelps saying the same thing four years earlier, when he was arrested for drunken driving. Come on, Mikey -- we don't need you to lie -- again.

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