- Source Of Stress: Your Co-Workers!

In this column:
Difficult co-workers -- can't live with 'em; can't get rid of 'em (as pictured below). How do you cope?

I used to work with a nurse named Terry who hardly ever answered her patients' call lights. She was always an hour or two late passing her medications, and she frequently asked the rest of us to finish up her charts.

She spent her time being unavailable -- unless there was a cardiac arrest. Anytime a patient "coded," she was always first at the bedside.

In the coronary intensive care unit, professional etiquette dictates that the nurse who is assigned to care for the patient is the same nurse that initiates CPR and begins defibrillation of that patient. If I'm taking care of Mr. Brown, and his heart stops beating in the middle of my shift, as long as I am in the unit and available, I'm the one who punches the code button and institutes his cardiac massage.

But if Terry were working, she'd elbow me out of the way from Mr. Brown's bedside and start pumping on his chest as if in a bad audition for "Chicago Hope." When the cardiologist arrived, she'd tell him Mr. Brown's status and continue directing the emergency care while I stood speechless. Terry disliked the hour-to-hour care required by cardiac patients, but thrived on their emergencies.

Terry made an already stressful working environment almost intolerably tense for all her fellow nurses. I dreaded coming in to work when I was going to have to interact with her.

I developed a bad case of "stress creep" -- job became so stressful, it began to affect my entire life. Even on my days off, I had a knot in my stomach.

Same with the other nurses. As our stress grew, the staff began to self-destruct.

That's Why It's Called A Job

But being forced to work with an obnoxious, sluggish, or less-than-honest person is an enormous source of stress and something you cannot always avoid.

Co-workers usually learn to adjust to each other's bad habits and personality oddities. What happens when you can't adjust and are forced to work with a person who is insulting, or inept, a brown-noser or a slacker? Your stress levels go up exponentially. It can be a struggle to regain your calm equilibrium.

In the case of Terry, no matter how much the rest of the staff complained, she never did enough wrong to warrant disciplinary action. Management couldn't fire her. She was awful to work with but she made it clear: She had no intention of ever quitting our unit.

What can you do when you're forced to work with someone you don't like? Is there any way to make the problem go away?

In 1996's "The Complete Stress Management Workbook" (Zondervan), Dr. Thomas Whiteman contends that increased communication helps. A lot of times, talking to your nemesis and clearing the air can make the workplace more bearable.

Do You Bear Partial Blame?

Perhaps, long ago, you inadvertently hurt someone's feelings and their unfriendliness is payback. Perhaps your co-worker is jealous of you or feels threatened by you. Perhaps the person thinks you don't value him or her or feels excluded by the clique you're in.

Take a few minutes to analyze what might have caused your relationship to fail. See if there is anything you can say to make things right.

Be sure to use "I" statements. Never say, "You make me so mad the way you don't answer your patients' call lights." Instead, say, "I try to take good care of my patients, but when I see your patient's call light on, I feel I have to answer it. That takes me away from my patients, who need me very much."

Stand back and evaluate yourself. How do you come across to your co-workers? Do they misunderstand your jokes or your comments? Do you come across as aggressive, manipulative or obsessive? To take on online test to see what kind of personality you are presenting to the world, click here: Personality Questionnaire--Know Your Own Mind.

Armed with new information about yourself, you can work on trying to change how co-workers perceive you. Strive to be your authentic self.

Backing Off

Try to not focus so much on the person and his or her personality. Instead, concentrate on the issue. Avoid turning the battle into a personal attack.

Walk away. Let the world spin a few times. Ignore the conflict for a while. Letting some emotional distance grow between yourself and your co-worker will occasionally put the conflict to rest.

When all else fails, avoid the person. There are some people and some situations that you will never be able to change. Accepting that maxim is one key to taking control of your mental health and reducing your stress. That's what my fellow nurses and I did. My co-workers and I decided the only way to deal with Terry was to avoid her.

We stopped tattling on her to our manager, we refused to do her work, and we stayed busy in our patients' rooms so she couldn't ask us for our help. Two months later, Terry resigned. Without us always pitching in, she couldn't keep up with her responsibilities. Harmony returned to our unit.

Sometimes doing nothing is the best thing you can do. Try it the next time your co-worker causes your life to fill up with stress creep, and you become so frazzled that you begin to hate your job.