13 reasons why the state of Michigan is better than Ohio

NASA satellite image
NASA satellite image

DETROIT – It's Michigan-Ohio State week, which means it's time to reflect on how great the state of Michigan is, compared to Ohio.

We do share a lot, like, a border and the need for oxygen. But there's so much more that makes Michigan better. Here's a long list:

We have the beer

Michigan's beer industry has been booming in the last decade, leaving Ohio beer in the dust. Ohio has 1.5 breweries per capita, 23rd in the nation. Michigan has 4.5 per capita, 11th in the nation, with 330 craft breweries, ranking fourth in the nation. (Brewers Association)

We have the pizza

In 2017, Michigan-based pizza chains accounted for four of the top 15 pizza chains in the country. Ohio had one -- Marco's Pizza -- which is Toledo based. So it's basically a Michigan chain.

We have the championships

Michigan (Detroit) has enjoyed plenty of sports success, racking up 22 major sports championships, which is the fifth most for any North American city. Cleveland has had nine and Cincinnati has had five. And it'd be one less if LeBron wasn't such a nice guy. 

We have the better sports teams

In every category we could find, Detroit sports teams have outperformed Cleveland sports teams historically. 

The Lions, Tigers, Red Wings and Pistons all lead in all-time series records with the Browns, Indians, Blue Jackets and Cavaliers.

We have your basketball team's owner

Dan Gilbert may own properties and an NBA team in Cleveland, but he's not very keen on living there. He lives in Oakland County and is mostly in Downtown Detroit. He may head to the Cavs game, but he jumps on his private jet and leaves as soon as possible. I wonder why.

We have fewer speed traps

Ohio police are known by Michiganders as the strictest speeding enforcers known to mankind. Ohio ranks sixth for speeding violations. Ohio is one of only two states that allows individual cities to set their own fines and fees, resulting in a patchwork of speeding violation rules across the state. Indeed, Cleveland.com reports that speeding tickets in northeast Ohio can vary by $100 or more along the same street.

We have the music

Putting aside the fact that Motown was founded in Detroit, which essentially puts Michigan ahead of every state for music, we still have a better group of musicians who call Michigan home.

In Michigan, we have Bob Seger, Eminem, Kid Rock, Madonna, Stevie Wonder, Diana Ross, Glenn Frey and Iggy Pop, to name a few. 

Ohio has Dean Martin, Marilyn Manson, Doris Day, John Legend and wait for it -- Lil' Bow Wow. We'll let you decide on that one.

We have the lakes

Michigan not only has amazing lakes, including the Great Lakes, we also have the highest percentage of water area for any state in the country. 41.5 percent of Michigan is water. Ohio is at 8.8 percent. So, if you want to walk on land for your whole life, move to Ohio. (Lame)

We have the trees (and fall colors)

Michigan ranks 16th for forest cover, compared to Ohio's 32nd. Michigan also has more maple trees than almost any state in the country. Also, our fall colors put Ohio's to shame, especially in Northern Michigan.

We have nicer spiders

In Ohio, spiders run free and it's insane. Black widows and recluse spiders are both found in Ohio. In Michigan, the only dangerous spiders come from people who are visiting from Ohio or even further south. Keep your spiders to yourself, Ohio.

We have the cars

The biggest industry in Ohio is... the automotive industry. The automotive industry came from where? Oh yeah, Michigan. You're welcome, Ohio.

We were ranked No. 1

Thrillist ranked Michigan as the No. 1 state in America. Ohio was ranked No. 48. 'Nuff said.

We have the Upper Peninsula

The nearly bloodless Toledo War of 1835 resulted in Ohio getting Toledo. Congrats, guys! What did they give up? THE UPPER PENINSULA. At the time, it was considered worthless, but now we know the truth -- it's priceless. I think we all know who won that war.

We could go on and on and on, but we're pretty sure you get the point. Michigan is better than Ohio. Well, besides for our roads.

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