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Jason Carr: 8 reasons why you should start saying “thawful”

Jason Carr
Jason Carr

DETROITJason Carr: March in Michigan needs its own pharmaceutical ad. The medicine being hawked in this commercial is irrelevant and could be any generic mood lifter— it’s the malaise itself that interests me. It’s as real as Tim Allen’s voice:

(Tinkling piano plays)

“If you suffer from Early Onset Pure Marchigan, symptoms may include disgust, delight, crusty eyes, disgust again, unreasonable optimism, gout, utter despair, a surprise sunburn, even more disgust, and irrational hope for the Tigers.”

And that’s just through the 16th.

“Thawful” is the word I first coined in 2007 and it still sticks today as a one-word summary of early March in our state. I claim it as my intellectual property though I’ve never heard another soul use it in casual conversation. But you should! And here are 8 reasons why:

  1. Slimy leaves emerging from beneath melting snow.
  2. Everything is brown.
  3. Potholes.
  4. Wind. I hate wind.
  5. Dog poo.
  6. Your car would embarrass a troll.
  7. It’s the fiscal year and you might find out your employer doesn’t need you (coughs).
  8. Aside from daylight saving time, nothing is happening.

So all of this contributes to Early Onset Pure Marchigan, which in turn is treated by the magic elixir straight from Big Pharma: Bourbonica. Yes, Bourbonica! Made from pure ginseng, MSG, melatonin, bacon and Kentucky’s finest.

Side effects may include having a strong desire to live anywhere else. At least until St. Patrick’s Day

Here’s what we’re working on for Friday, March 13th on Local 4 News Today --

All Morning – Sunny, Wind, Cold

Paul Gross: It’ll be mostly sunny, windy and cold on Friday (if you remember last Friday, this Friday will be similar). Temperatures perhaps go up a few degrees into the low to mid 40s (5 to 7 degrees Celsius) in the afternoon, but wind chills will be in the mid 30s (1 to 2 degrees Celsius) due to a gusty west wind at 15 to 25 mph. Mostly clear Friday night, with lows near 30 degrees (-1 degree Celsius).

  • Get the full forecast here

All Morning – Weekend Construction

Another weekend in Metro Detroit means more orange barrels. We’ll help you get around the projects.

  • Check traffic conditions in your neighborhood here

6:15 a.m. - Fitness Friday

Rhonda Walker pays another visit to the new OrangeTheory in Detroit’s New Center for Fitness Friday. It’s a unique workout that might be just what you’re looking for.

6:40 a.m. – Your Neighborhood

Theses students aren’t just learning about cars, they’re getting involved. Evrod Cassimy will show you how these students are gearing up for a career in the automotive industry.

ICYMI

Today’s Trivia Retake

Every weekday morning at 6 a.m., we ask you a trivia question on Local 4 for a chance to win a prize.

  • Thursday Question: Thursday was National Girl Scout Cookie Day! What new flavor did the Girl Scouts start selling this year?
  • Answer: Lemon Ups
  • Be sure to watch daily at 6 a.m. and click this link to enter for a chance to win.

National Days: March 13th

  • National Good Samaritan Day
  • National Coconut Torte Day
  • National Earmuff Day
  • National Jewel Day
  • National K9 Veterans Day
  • National Open an Umbrella Indoors Day
  • National Blame Someone Else Day

History Highlights: March 13th

  • In 1865, Confederate President Jefferson Davis signed a measure allowing black slaves to enlist in the Confederate States Army with the promise they would be set free.
  • In 1933, banks in the U.S. began to reopen after a “holiday” declared by President Franklin D. Roosevelt.
  • In 1975, the first Chili’s restaurant was opened in Dallas by entrepreneur Larry Lavine.
  • In 1980, Ford Motor Co. Chairman Henry Ford II announced he was stepping down, the same day a jury in Winamac, Indiana, found the company not guilty of reckless homicide in the fiery deaths of three young women in a Ford Pinto.

Celebrity Birthdays: March 13th

Celebrating a birthday Friday? Submit a Sunshine Award here and we could say your name on Local 4 News Today during our 6 a.m. show.

Here’s who you’re sharing a birthday with –

  • Country singer Jan Howard is 90.
  • Singer-songwriter Neil Sedaka is 81.
  • Singer Candi Staton is 80.
  • Comedian Robin Duke is 66.
  • Actress Dana Delaney (“Body of Proof” ”China Beach”) is 64.
  • Bassist Adam Clayton of U2 is 60.
  • Jazz trumpeter Terence Blanchard is 58.
  • Drummer Matt McDonough of Mudvayne is 51.
  • Actress Tracy Wells (“Mr. Belvedere”) is 49.
  • Rapper Common is 48.
  • Rapper Khujo of Goodie Mob is 48.
  • Singer Glenn Lewis is 45.
  • Actor Danny Masterson (“That ’70s Show”) is 44.
  • Actor Noel Fisher (“Shameless”) is 36.
  • Actor Emile Hirsch (“Into the Wild”) is 35.

Local 4 News Today links


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