DETROIT – We've all been there before. I'm there right now, watching the clock and quickly losing my patience as I follow each prompt.
Americans make tens of billions of customer service calls each year. For many, those calls can be a nightmare.
Recommended Videos
Press 1: Where are the humans
It's easier to find Waldo than to navigate some companies' automated phone systems to get an agent on the phone.
Lars Perner, an assistant professor of clinical marketing at the University of Southern California, is an expert on consumer behavior and attitudes. He says consumers have good reason for frustration with the automated systems.
"These questions take a great deal of time until you get to the option you need, and sometimes that option will not be presented," he said.
Sometimes I second guess myself; maybe I should have pressed 2, instead of 3.
And then there's the elevator music or advertisement that constantly loops while you are on hold. There's a reason why elevator rides are short
Unfortunately, if you want to get your problem solved, you have to stay on the line and wait it out.
"Because so many businesses use the systems today, customers may have few real choices," Perner said.
Press 2: How customer service was set up to fail you
Emily Yellin, a journalist, found inspiration to write "Your Call Is (Not That) Important To Us" after an infuriating call with her home warranty company about a broken furnace.
"I got passed around. I got told all sorts of things. I got transferred to the wrong person. I waited on hold forever," she recalled, during our recent nearly 30-minute phone conversation.
Yellin traveled the world before she wrote the book, exploring every aspect of the customer service chain, interviewing consumers, service agents, managers, consultants and corporate CEOs.
What she discovered is surprising, that customer service was set up without the customer really in mind.
"In companies, traditionally, it was looked as a necessary evil, as a cost, as something to just do because we have to, not really as a way to serve customers," Yellin said.
I contacted USAN, a company based near Atlanta that specializes in customer engagements products, including automated phone systems.
USAN works with a variety of clients to improve their customer service, from healthcare to financial services companies.
Tad Thompson, the senior vice president of sales and marketing for USAN, agrees with Yellin.
"The systems were not designed initially to be effective. They were just designed to keep you from talking to a rep because it was cheaper for the business," he said.
Press 3: Is it getting any better
Simply hiring more customer service agents is not the answer.
There's no way agents alone can handle the high call volume that most large companies receive and the expense would be unsustainable.
"Everybody wants to talk to an agent because you feel like that's the best way. And then you realize, well if everybody is talking to an agent, you will be sitting on hold for 45 minutes," Thompson explained.
So automated phone systems are here to stay.
"The speech ones are much better than they used to be. Five years ago, you had to repeat yourself 30 times and it was frustrating," Thompson said.
Most companies are starting to get the message that they need to make good customer service more of a priority.
The technology to do so is out there.
Thompson predicts companies will start reaching consumers and solving their issues before they even know they have a problem.
"Instead of treating it as just a reactionary system which is how it is today, it is just reacting to what you as the customer need when you call in, it will be a little more proactive," Thompson said.
The change has to start from the top down.
Yellin says the service agents are not the ones to blame, even though they endure the brunt of our vexation.
I have a friend in customer service and she routinely hears a fusillade of four letter words from irate customers, including from grandmothers who are normally probably as sweet as the delicious apple pie they bake for church socials.
"It's the fault of the executives of the company and what kind of culture they created. So if it's a culture of everyone in the company is focused on helping and serving the customers, then you will feel it when you call," Yellin said.
Consumers have more ways than ever to fight back against horrible customer service.
Disgruntled customers are now pounding the keyboard and posting their service complaints on social media. Most major companies have teams to monitor Twitter and other social media websites to respond to complaints.
"There are more tools now for customers to address it and band together and try to make things better," Yellin said.
Finally, the music has STOPPED and I hear a voice on the other end.
Agent: "Hi. Thanks for holding. My name is Sue. What is your name?
Me: "Will Jones."
Agent: "Thank you, Will. What can I help you with today?"
*Deep breath*
Wish me luck.