CHESTERFIELD TOWNSHIP, Mich. – Lisa Iannucci, a young Chesterfield Township mother, is dealing with the tragic loss of her 5 1/2-month-old daughter, Mia.
Iannucci's son Jimmy was 5 years old at the time his sister died and struggled with the loss.
“How do I explain it to my son? He loved his little sister, loved her,” Iannucci said.
Mia was born a beautiful, smiling baby. “It was deceiving,” Iannucci said. Doctors discovered a “monster” in Mia's brain, called a brain malformation, and fighting that monster would be an extremely difficult challenge.
“Before what would be Mia’s final surgery, she had a special day with us. Surgery was coming up the next morning and Mia had not eaten, but this little baby was smiling and laughing. Doctors couldn’t believe it,” lannucci said.
Mia didn’t survive that final surgery. Iannucci and her husband were devastated and they could tell their son was having a very difficult time.
Struggling to cope with loss
Iannucci calls that point “the struggle.” She had to deal with her own grief while her son was clearly struggling with his at such a young age.
“That was close to impossible. We didn’t know how to speak to him. I tried to justify it. But it would never get to the point where it would make sense to him because it didn’t make sense to me,” she said.
Iannucci decided to change the conversation around.
She would lie in bed at night with Jimmy and ask him questions. “I stopped focusing on the loss,” she said.
“What do you think heaven is like?" Iannucci would ask her son, as if Mia was on some sort of adventure.
Jimmy would tell his mother that, of course there was candy for Mia in heaven and would share other positive thoughts about what Mia could be doing.
Iannucci said the conversations put her son in a more positive place.
He would say things such as, "Oh, I bet there are rainbow clouds. She is having a really good time up there.”
Jimmy eventually changed his attitude about the loss and was not as sad.
My Favorite Star
Iannucci came up with the idea of putting all her emotions about the loss of her daughter into a children's book. The book is about dealing with grief.
Many children’s books focus on the loss of a grandparent, but what about losing a young sibling?
Iannucci published the children's book "My Favorite Star" at the end of summer. What she has found is a silver lining for the pain of losing her precious daughter.
Parents are reading the book to their children in different parts of the country. lannucci is seeing people react to the book on social media. The book is helping the parents and their children cope with loss, as well.
“You see how many people are affected by loss. SIDS(sudden infant death syndrome), stillbirths -- how many other families struggled to comprehend their own emotions while you are dealing with this little person, your son or daughter. It has been wonderful to see parents using the book as a tool to help their family when it helped my family," Iannucci said.
A psychologist in Beverly Hills, California, is dealing with her own loss and has placed the book in her waiting room for other families.
“This is perfect. You really hit the nail on the head with it,” the doctor posted on Instagram.
The idea behind the book is for a child to pick out their "favorite star" and focus on the star being their missing loved one.
People have told Iannucci their children go to sleep at night and are content again after looking for their favorite star.
“My daughter was an angel and was put here for something. Maybe this is why," lannucci said.
The book is available on Amazon and at HoneyPie Kids in Romeo.
Iannucci has also sent copies of her book to Woodland Elementary School in Troy after Jaclyn Scott, a 34-year-old teacher was killed in a Chesterfield Township crash.