Monday morning, the family of Tara Grant will gather in a church near her childhood home in the Upper Peninsula and say goodbye, 24 days after they learned she was dead.
Killed, police say, by a husband who mutilated her.
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"We know Tara is with the Lord now, watching over everyone she cared about,'' said Alicia Standerfer, her younger sister.
Standerfer, like others who've been traumatized by a violent death in the family, can't escape the futile sense that the fog will suddenly lift and reveal a nightmare, nothing more.
Today, Standerfer offers a remembrance of the person she knew and loved, as only a sister could.
A remembrance by Alicia Standerfer:
As I write this, I have in mind a photo of Tara and me. Our mother took it years ago when we were kids.
In the picture, Tara is clinging to one of our kittens with the biggest smile you would ever imagine.
That was Tara, always a happy kid. Her grin and curly pigtails put a smile on the face of everyone who came in contact with her. She enjoyed every aspect of life. And she loved to talk. Even as an infant, she eagerly said "hi" to everyone she encountered.
When Tara was 2, our family purchased a small hobby farm in Perkins in the Upper Peninsula. Growing up in a rural setting had many advantages for us. We spent our days having fun with our cats and other animals, and doing daily chores.
Our parents, Gerald and Mary Destrampe, worked hard to provide everything they could for us while teaching us responsibility, even from an early age.
Our mom, who worked as dental assistant when her kids got older, grew vegetables in our garden while raising animals to supplement the food we bought. Our dad, known to everyone as Dusty, worked as a wastewater treatment operator at Sawyer Air Force Base in Gwinn.
In elementary school, teachers always noted on Tara's report cards: "Talks too much." She never had a problem striking up a conversation with a perfect stranger, a trait passed down by our father.
As family members, we never saw Tara's outgoing personality as troublesome, but her teachers found it hard to conduct class when Tara was talking.
In fourth grade, her chattering escalated to a new dimension. Her teacher came up with a brilliant idea to limit it. Tara was awarded a piece of gum at the end of each day if she didn't get in trouble for talking. This life lesson probably helped pave the road for her success as an adult.
Tara loved life, and our parents made sure she was given every opportunity to succeed. As a child, she participated in Girl Scouts with many trips to Girl Scout camp.
Just the other night, I was going through Tara's childhood box and discovered her Girl Scout sash. It was filled with pins and patches signifying her interests and accomplishments.
As sisters, we connected in a way that only sisters can.
I recall spending weekends at our small school, roller-skating in the gym - something that would not be allowed these days. We took long bike rides together and explored along the river a mile from our house, looking for crawfish. We were always so proud of our catch.
Growing up in the rural Upper Peninsula, we burned wood for heat. One job Tara and I always performed was gathering and piling the wood. We had a system. Tara would throw the wood down into our basement through a side window, and I piled it.
Life with animals
We also shared responsibilities for caring for our animals. By the time we were preteens, the animals on our property far outnumbered the people. Tara and I began raising sheep for the state fair in the U.P. Tara also raised cows, pigs, chickens and rabbits. Her love of animals earned her top honors in 1990 with an award for Grand Champion market hog.
Tara loved her Appaloosa horse, RJ's Broken Finger, the most. She spent hours brushing him and getting him ready to ride. We took riding lessons together, even though Tara's horse was trained very well and was easy going.
Tara was heavily involved in 4-H, a youth group. She spent her summers backpacking with fellow 4-H members and our parents, who were group leaders. We backpacked along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore and the Porcupine Mountains of Lake Superior.
Another of Tara's 4-H passions was her involvement in shooting sports. Our father was determined to teach us everything he could about handling a firearm safely, and it didn't take long before Tara became an excellent markswoman. She began competing in state 4-H tournaments and took home many awards. She was a member of the BB gun team, composed of four girls who took the state title one year.
She also participated in .22-rifle competition, as well as trap shooting. Her skill with guns carried over as our father got us involved in hunting. Tara hunted rabbits, birds and deer. It was a yearly event for our dad to take us rabbit hunting on Christmas Eve with a group of people and dogs.
Every March, it was a family tradition to make maple syrup. We started tapping trees on the back edge of our farm in 1976. When our family purchased additional acreage down the road, our maple syrup operation moved as well. Tara and I would come home from school and get on our snow boots and snowshoes and head out to collect the sap that had flowed that day. It was a great bonding experience for us. We loved yelling across the woods to find out how much sap each of us had collected.
Tara's high school years were memorable for her. She loved cheerleading and was full of spirit. She was active in the school band and played first chair clarinet. Tara was also a skilled pianist, having taken many years of lessons. She and I played silly songs together on the piano. We were always able to laugh at each other, and with each other.
On to college
After high school graduation, Tara had her heart set on attending Michigan State University. However, Michigan State would have to wait a bit. Tara instead took our parents' advice and attended Bay de Noc Community College in Escanaba for two years.
Tara knew from the start that she wanted to study business. She was always a great businesswoman. One of her first jobs was working at a local shoe store. With her knack for sales, she could likely sell you the shoes you were wearing.
It didn't take long for Tara to recognize that her passion was marketing. She finished her first two years at Bay, packed up her belongings and headed to MSU in 1992. It was a sad day when Tara moved away from home, but I was excited for her, too. She was off to experience new things, meet new people and., most importantly, follow her dreams.
Tara planned many trips for me to visit at MSU. She made sure I received the full college experience, including a football game, some quality time with her in one of her art appreciation classes and dorm life.
Tara graduated from MSU in December 1994 with a bachelor's degree in business administration. She began her career with Washington Group International, an engineering and construction firm based in Boise, Idaho, as a temp.
They quickly saw her potential and hired her full time. She rose through a variety of positions, most recently to an operations manager. She was well respected and is greatly missed by her colleagues.
A new family
Tara's loves in life were her two children, Lindsey, 6, and Ian, 4. She made sure birthdays for them were just as special as our mom had made them for her. I recall many conversations with Tara as she excitedly planned their birthdays. One time she had a cowgirl-cowboy party for them, complete with a horse to take the kids on backyard rides.
Christmas was another special time for Tara. She loved seeing the kids' faces when they opened their gifts. I think a part of her was more excited than they were. She was just a big kid in that sense.
Tara was very proud of her beautiful children and lived for them. Her wonderful personality can be seen in their little lives, and her continued influence will be painfully missed. She enjoyed spending time with her family and was a very hard working mother who did everything in her power to help provide for her family.
I recall Tara's excitement when my husband and I announced that we were starting a family of our own. She said, "Our kids will grow up together and be close, just like you and I."
Alicia Standerfer, 32, lives with her family in Chillicothe, Ohio. She is caring for her older sister's children as formal custody is being decided.