One Minute Reviews: WWE 2K18

Jake tells you whether a game is worth buying, buying on sale, or worth avoiding

IF 60 SECONDS IS TOO MUCH TO ASK (YOU MONSTER) SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM FOR THE SUMMARY

I have a dark, disturbing secret. It's one I have worked long to keep from the public eye, but now circumstance requires that I be wholly honest with you, my beloved 1dFans.

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I kinda dig WWE.

Don't get me wrong! I know it's dumb. I like that it's dumb. The appeal to me is watching incredible stuntmen perform sweet moves in front of a live crowd, and also that you're looking at what is essentially a swoll soap opera.

"Gasp!" I would think, watching Andre the Giant turn on Hulk Hogan after their tag team title victory, "But what of their friendship? What of your friendship, Andre!?"

So when I realized that there was a game available that let you build a swoll version of yourself, and have that avatar compete in a WWE universe where the fights were real, yet somehow the opponents still patiently waited for each other to do their moves just-so, I absolutely bought it.

And it was hot garbage.

Folks, everything good about the game begins and ends with the concept. If it were executed even halfway decently, I would say buy it full price right now. Instead, we're going to jump right down to "avoid it like Wrestlemania match with the Undertaker." 

Here's three flaws that each, on their own, make it unplayable:

  • Awful combat system. Not intuitive, and after getting used to it, I came to realize that you were as likely to win or lose by some bizarre glitch than by building and playing smartly.
  • Everything outside of combat is boring, and there is SO MUCH they make you do outside of combat.
  • You pay for everything. They give you a pool of 'points' in the beginning, but upon realizing that I was spending a limited asset for the priveledge of having my wrestler have a mustache, I gave up entirely on customization.
  • There are other terrible, downright amateur flaws in the game. The non-combat animations are bizarre. There are loading screens for just about every menu. The layout was designed by a sadist.

    That's a minute! Here's the final judgement; the game's a mess, no amount of patching will fix it, burn all copies in a big fire and publicly shame 2K Sports for their awful, awful crime.