EAST LANSING, Mich. – A Michigan State senior went public Thursday with her allegations that the university tried to scare her from pursuing an alleged rape case against three basketball players.
Bailey Kowalski went in front of cameras and answered questions in East Lansing a day after speaking to The New York Times, attaching her name to a lawsuit filed against MSU last year.
She said she wanted to speak publicly on the four-year anniversary of the rape because she's graduating in May and no longer feels afraid.
"I know that there are others who exist, and they, too, have been afraid," Kowalski said. "I want to be an example for them."
'Swimming with some really big fish'
Kowalski said she was an 18-year-old freshman when she was raped by three Michigan State basketball players. She said she hadn't even started classes.
"I want all people to be treated with dignity and respect, regardless of their status or the revenue they bring to the university," Kowalski said. "I was only 18 years old and a freshman when I was gang raped, and nobody prepares an 18-year-old to go through something like that."
After the alleged incident, Kowalski said she didn't tell her family because she didn't want them to have to imagine what had happened to her. She said she wanted to protect them.
Kowalski filed the lawsuit against MSU last year, alleging her Title IX rights had been violated. She claims a counselor discouraged her from reporting the rape because it involved basketball players.
"Instead, I was intimidated, and I was told that I was going to be swimming with some really big fish," Kowalski said. "I'll never forget that phrase and the immediate feeling of despair and isolation."
She said she took the comments as a threat, but she trusted the university and thought that what the counselor told her was probably how the situation would play out.
"Before my gang rape, I was confident," Kowalski said. "I was joyful and I was trusting of all people. I became anxious, depressed and closed off. I'm here today because I want you to understand the damage that this does to a person."
"Who are the big fish at any university?" attorney Karen Truszkowski said. "Coaches, athletic department, the president, the administration, the board of trustees. We don't know what they meant by, 'You're swimming with some big fish.' They just wanted her to know, 'You probably don't want to do this.'"
Alleged attackers
Kowalski said she chose to go to Michigan State, but she didn't choose to be raped, change her major or have to bear the consequences of the alleged attack for the rest of her life.
"These decisions were made for me when I was only 18 years old, and I know the 18-year-old Bailey Kowalski is going," she said. "I grieve who she once was, but I look forward to who I will become because I took this step."
Kowalski said she will not name her attackers at this time.
"For me, this is not a basketball story," Kowalski said. "I did not choose who my rapists were. This is not about bringing attention to the Michigan State University basketball team, because there are survivors out there who don't get a say on who assaults them."
In the lawsuit, Kowalski claims she was forcefully thrown face-down on a bed in April 2015 and raped from behind. She said she was crying but could not move nor speak.
When the first attacker was done, the next two came in and took turns raping her, the lawsuit claims.
"I've been living a double life," Kowalski said. "I've made up a story of why I changed my major from sports journalism to integrative biology. I've had to learn how to essentially go from a bleed green Spartan fan to, 'Why don't you care about the fact that we're making it to the Final Four this year?' Being on campus at night -- you won't find me on campus at night. It's extremely hard to not only go about my life as a survivor, but also as a student who trusts in any part of the institution, whether it be from academic advising or from counseling. It's been extremely difficult to trust in the dream university of where I wanted to go when I was in high school."
She said nobody has reached out to her to apologize.
Michigan State's response to lawsuit
After Kowalski filed the lawsuit, Michigan State released a statement refuting the claims that the university had mishandled her case.
Click here to read the full statement released on April 11, 2018.
MSU claimed Kowalski didn't identify the alleged attackers as basketball players and said she received "appropriate care and relevant information for a rape victim."
Kowlaski said the day the statement was released was difficult.
"I was victimized all over again, which is exactly what they told me would happen when I went to the counseling center the first time," Kowalski said. "So they told me I would be swimming with some really big fish, and essentially they were the big fish I was going to be swimming with at that time."
She said she woke up that morning and had an organic chemistry exam, which she took with the statement on her mind.
"A lot of the things that they stated occured were false, so the timeline may have been correct, but what they said occurred, those were not accurate," Kowalski said.
According to Kowalski, the statement was the school's way of warning others who might want to come forward.
"I became furious because it was a scare tactic," she said. "If anybody else with similar allegations saw my lawsuit and was thinking about coming forward, that was their chance to say, 'This is what will happen to you if you decide that you want to do this. We're going to exploit you. We're going to essentially violate your privacy and make everything harder.' It was very, very difficult to go through that."
Michigan State's culture
Kowalski said Michigan State needs to do a better job helping students know what to do in traumatic situations because victims don't think rationally after an attack.
She said she wasn't aware that she could go to police about the attack without getting in trouble for being at a bar.
Kowalski said she didn't even know she could get a rape kit without her parents having to pay.
"The only shift in the right direction will be when there's accountability," Kowalski said. "You can let people go or people leave, but until they're held accountable as to why they're leaving ... that's what needs to happen."
She said the moves made since her alleged attack haven't proved there's a culture change.
"I've had to question the university more because of the people that they've decided to bring in in the aftermath of everything," Kowalski said. "It has not necessarily fixed anything."
"There's obviously a problem here that needs to be addressed, and the more than we talk about it, the more that we bring people to events like this to talk about it -- quite honestly we need to start putting some pressure on the people that need the pressure," Truszkowski said.
Truszkowski said they haven't ruled out the possibility of going to police about the incident, but there are currently no immediate plans to do so.
"There are some logistical reasons why," Truszkowski said. "This is not about basketball. This is not about the players, necessarily. It's about how she was treated by the university. At this point, criminal charges are not necessarily going to move that needle."
Plea to other victims
Kowalski said she wanted to hold a press conference so other victims find the strength to come forward.
She said she was empowered by the victims of former sports doctor Larry Nassar's abuse.
"I ask that you include my plea to other victims that they can come forward and they can find strength, encouragement in a friend," Kowalski said. "I don't want others to feel as isolated and distraught as I once was."
"I think Bailey just realized that she didn't need to bear this burden anymore and it was time for her to let people know what happened to her," Truszkowski said. "I think one day she just realized that this is not her burden and she wants people to know what this did to her and what it does to other people."
You can watch the full press conference below.