A new survey finds parenting stress is nearly universal, and many parents are now worried that their stress is making their children more anxious, too.
The survey, from the Kids Mental Health Foundation, found that nearly half of parents of children under 18 report they always or often feel stressed.
Overall, 97% of parents reported feeling stressed about parenting in the past month. Thirty percent said they felt stressed often. According to experts, that stress can set the tone for the entire household.
For Allison and Gabe Tomlin, managing the day-to-day demands of raising kids sometimes feels like a chess match.
“It’s like we’re playing two versus two here,” Allison said. But she worries about the moments when real-life pressure breaks through.
“Sit in your seat! Put your seatbelt on! We’ll talk about this later!” she recalled. Those moments leave her wondering how the tension lands on her sons, Milo and Evan.
“You know, you want your kids to have a good day and you want them to be successful,” Allison said.
What’s driving the stress
According to the Kids Mental Health Foundation survey, two of the biggest stress triggers for parents are their children’s behavioral issues and their children’s mental health.
Ariana Hoet, Ph.D., of the Kids Mental Health Foundation, says the connection between parent wellbeing and child wellbeing is direct.
“We say at The Kids Mental Health Foundation: kids’ mental health starts with us,” Hoet said. “And if I am not well as a parent, I’m not going to show up as my best.”
Small steps that make a difference
Hoet says parents can reduce their stress with small changes that take 15 minutes or less. Her suggestions include:
- Taking a solo walk to decompress
- Talking with a friend or relative
- Asking kids to pick a fun activity to do together
- Making time each day for something that brings you joy
Hoet also points to the power of routine as a tool for the whole family.
“We know that a lot of where the stress is coming from is the world, right? The outside world. And we can’t control a lot of those things, but we can control our home environment,” she said. “Coming home and creating routines can be really helpful for behavior. It can be really helpful for anxiety. If we know what to expect and everyone engages in the same routine every day, you feel the house be more calm.”
Imperfect moments can still teach
Even the moments when parents lose their composure don’t have to be setbacks, Hoet said.
“Just model what it’s like to make mistakes, what it’s like to apologize and take accountability, and you’ll be okay,” she said. “You’re repairing the relationship. The relationship is what matters.”
Today’s parents, Hoet added, are constantly worried they’re doing it wrong. The goal, she said, is to model how to manage stress, navigate challenges, and keep home a happy place — even when the outside world makes that hard.
The Kids Mental Health Foundation offers free resources for parents at kidsmhf.org to help cope with stress and support children’s mental health.