When Local 4 digital czar Ken Haddad proposed to me that I should write about the worst horror movie of all time, I have to admit I was flummoxed.
How to choose?
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Admittedly two came immediately to mind. And admittedly I haven’t see either in at least two decades. But as I’ve explained before I take great pride on not cheating to Google when writing these columns/blogs. Hence this may end up being a bit on the shorter side.
Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows was so terrible, so instantly forgettable, I instantly forgot it. For a million dollars I could not tell you the plot of this movie. All I remember was seeing it in the theater in Clio, Michigan. And all I remember beyond that was that it was mostly non-sensical and had absolutely little to do with the events of the sensational first film, which was made on a budget of something like $60,000 and ended up making somewhere around $245,000,000.
In Blair Witch 2, some people get scared. Pretty sure there was no witch but there might have been. Literally could not tell you anything else. I can tell you that I once saw a horror movie when I was six years old at the drive-in in 1975 and credibly summarize the plot of that film. Couldn’t tell you a thing about Blair Witch 2.
My second entry in this category is Halloween III: Season of the Witch.
40 years later I’m not even sure I have the title right. But I’m reasonably sure there was no witch. And I definitely know there was no Michael Myers. Or Jamie Lee Curtis.
Halloween III has been written about many times. Some have said it was a secret success. That it was ahead of its time. That it was creepy unto itself.
No one, it should be noted, has ever said that about Blair Witch 2.
Just so you know the producers and/or studio behind Halloween III, in what can only be described as an epic cash grab while also at the same time being sort of genius creatively, decided that the name Halloween could be spun off into its own brand. Outside of the Michael Meyers saga, it was supposed to have been anything creepy and Halloween. I know this because I read it online—but not for this blog. I don’t cheat on retro esoteric details. It’s just sort of there in my head from prior investigations.
I remember watching Halloween III shortly after we got HBO. I thought at the time, what the hell is this? I was 12. I wasn’t yet prepared to understand you could do a third movie that had NOTHING to do with the events of the first and second movies. And, in fact, had everything to do with an evil maker of masks which turned people evil. Or something. And possibly Stonehenge is involved. And there’s maybe no witch. I’m so confused.
Meanwhile Blair Witch 2 had no witch. Unless it did. It’s been 21 years.
Worst two horror movies ever.
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