OXFORD, Mich. – The mother of one of the students murdered in the Oxford High School shooting addressed the shooter in court Friday during his sentencing hearing.
Nicole Beausoleil, the mother of Madisyn Baldwin, was the first of many people to take the stand and deliver victim impact statements.
She talked about what happened the day of the shooting and how she found out her daughter had been killed. At the end, she addressed the shooter.
“To the waste that took my daughter’s life, that name will never come out of my mouth,” Beausoleil said. “That life, will cease to exist to me, and just like trash, it will be forgotten. So while the attention that he has been seeking for this horrendous crime, you will get no reaction from me.
“But again, this is the life he chose. If he really wanted to make a different outcome, he wouldn’t continue to make the excuses he does now. The suffering will come when he least expects it. The regret will consume you as you sit alone with only voices in your head. Guilt will eat away at your soul.
“This might not happen tomorrow, next year, or in 10 years, but it will happen. As you get older, you will realize the path you’ve chosen, and it will haunt you, just like the idol that you admired so much. Both of you, forgotten in the system.
“When these emotions flood into your body, like you’re bleeding out, no one will be there to save you. No one will forgive you. Your hand will no longer be held as you claim insanity. Your outburst for attention will go unnoticed. No one will love you and no one will come.
“As I don’t wish death upon you -- that would be too easy -- I hope the thoughts consume you, and they replay over and over in your head. ‘The thoughts won’t stop.’ I’m sure you’ve heard that paraphrased before. I hope the screams keep you up at night and they cause real hallucinations. You won’t be able to write it on paper for the attention that you so badly seek.
“Those four walls become your home, suffocating in guilt. It will come, I promise you. I’m happy you decided not to be a coward that day and take your own life. I’d much rather you stick around to see the life you have chosen, what suffering really feels like, and that your significance is not above anyone else.
“I truly feel sorry for you that you thought this would be a better life choice.
“So, Your Honor, I have chosen forgiveness. We live in a world where forgiveness is not deserved, but needed. Forgiveness: A word that hold so much controversy. What does it really mean? To me, forgiveness is an encouragement. It’s encouraged me to forgive the things that are out of my control. I have chosen to forgive for myself. To some, that might seem weak or giving in. It’s my new journey with Madisyn, because honestly, that is who she was and what she would have done.
“I no longer carry that burden. It does not define me, it does not define her, or it does not define our family.
“You failed. I’m so much stronger than you, and your weakness consumes you,” she said. “I don’t choose to forgive the destructive nature that caused her death. Forgiving is a choice -- I choose not to forgive you for the choice you made. This is exactly what you wanted. This is not a life that I would ever want to live. What this has done has ignited the light that I thought I lost: Madisyn’s light.
“Your Honor, I hope you stamp his fate with whatever fate that might be. To continue to live the life sentence that he researched. That his life sentence is the as my same life sentence I received, as a life sentence that I cannot escape from.
“Day by day passes, I hope his life feels more meaningless, lost, and forgotten. So when my time comes -- and I will never worry if our paths or fates will ever meet again -- but when our true day of judgement comes, my justice will be served. That his life sentence will continue so that he may live in his own personal prison for eternity, with no one waiting for him.
“I can only wish him the best on his new life and repercussions that follow.”