The holidays can be full of fun, food, and awkward conversations.
Most families have people with varying political views, differing opinions, or longstanding disputes.
If you’re concerned about an upcoming gathering, experts say it’s important to set clear boundaries in advance.
It’s a time of togetherness, joining with family and friends to celebrate the holidays.
But it can also be a season of worry and dread.
Licensed therapist Jody Baumstein says setting a boundary is not about creating distance.
“Boundaries are really important for maintaining and protecting our peace,” said Baumstein.
It’s about staying connected while setting healthy limits.
Baumstein recommends being proactive and setting a boundary in clear language before the get-together to avoid conflict.
Keep that message consistent. For example, suggest that a particular topic is off-limits to help keep the peace.
Then it’s important to accept that you can only control your response to things.
“We also spend a lot of mental energy thinking about what the other person is doing, but we don’t have control over them,” Baumstein said.
You don’t have to explain why you’re saying no to an invitation you feel you can’t handle.
Again, use clear language. But if you go to an event, be prepared to enforce your boundaries.
For example, if someone brings up a topic you’ve deemed off limits, you might start with a gentle reminder.
Also, have a plan on how you’ll handle the situation calmly.
“If it comes up again, I’m gonna end the conversation, or if it comes up again, I’m gonna leave the room. Or if needed, if it comes up again, I’m gonna leave,” Baumstein said.
Baumstein also says it’s important to manage expectations.
If you’re visiting family, explain beforehand how long you’re staying and when you plan to leave.
Being clear from the beginning can help you avoid conflict.